Architects.

It's almost 2018, you guys.

I know two posts a day apart are unlike me, but maybe it's the crippling anxiety I feel in my throat as 12:00 approaches that made me come here. Maybe it's because I know so many are feeling the same and I hope we can all sit together, wait it out, hold virtual hands until it passes, and hope that 2018 can be a better year.

2017 has been bad for a lot of us on a lot of levels.

Hurt.
Loss.
Pain.
Struggle.

I cannot say I know anyone who has not been touched by any of the above this year, and I feel that as we get older we experience more and more but I am not sure we hone our skills to deal any better.

I started to burn out in 2017. I know that makes a lot of people roll eyes, snicker and question my strength, but I did. It happens.

I'm not being self centered or selfish when I say I care a lot.

I care a lot about the industry I am in and everyone in it.
I care about those I love and I love with all I have.
And I care about things I have no power over and let them consume me.

It's who I am.

And though I make promises, have hopes and try to prepare myself for when the clock strikes 12:00, I know that there are emotions that will overwhelm me and a wave that will consume me while I try to stand strong against its force.

And I will, I know, but I hate that feeling.

The choking, smothering feeling when you feel like you're drowning and have to muster up the strength to say, "NO! I'll fight you off and I'm going to get through this to start anew. I'm going to be great and I'm going to get there."

I know I'm not alone.

So, for anyone who might be feeling the same - the dread, the anxiety, the worry, the pain, the hope, the begging the universe to just let things work - know we are all sitting, hoping, wondering, wishing, and that none of us are alone.

And I wish you all peace, love, kindness, and that all your wants and desires come true for 2018.

You deserve it.

We deserve it.

And maybe we're all due our moment.

"Do you still believe in all the things
That you stood by before?
I hope they're on the front lines
Or at home keeping score
Do you care to be the layer of the bricks that seal your fate
Or would you rather be the architect
Of what we might create?"